10 Keys to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Increasing Self-Confidence

26 Feb

I clearly remember when I was about 33, in the midst of doing intense, life changing deep reflection and self/professional development, I had the realisation “I will always have some level of self doubt - and that is OK.

I realised that I had to embrace and accept the part of me “that doubted myself” and that being at war with or battling with it, was not going to make it go away.

I could live with my self-doubt AND not let my self-doubt limit me, my life and what I wanted to achieve.

And so, in my 30s and beyond, I consistently used most of the “Keys to Confidence” below to increase my self-trust and confidence. In my 30's I applied for 2 wonderful jobs I wanted and was successful.

in my 40s, I got out of my comfort zone and started my own training business, I conducted many training events I never thought I would be able to, I addressed conferences with over a 1000 people, I was divorced and survived and thrived, was a single mother, bought two houses on my own, backed myself and had a large mortgage, and was happy....

In my late 40s. I trusted myself enough to follow my instinct that I was meant to have a beautiful relationship and “put myself out there” and went online, kissed quite a few “frogs” :) and at 50, met Allan, the love of my life.

Now at 62, I am Re-Imagining my life, my work and the contribution I want to make.

Through all these things, yes I still I had self-doubt, but I accepted the self-doubt as just a part of me, and I TOOK ACTION, I FOLLOWED MY HEART’S DESIRES and “Felt the fear and did it anyway” (the words of Susan Jeffers).

I hope you find the keys below useful:

10 Keys to Decreasing Self Doubt and Increasing Self Confidence

Key 1: Know and Strengthen Your Personal Foundation

What are your values? What are your strengths, skills, and personal qualities? What are your weaknesses? What is important to you? “Know Yourself, Trust Yourself, Extend Yourself, Create Yourself”. We can’t build a house on a sandy foundation, similarly we can’t be confident on a “sandy” foundation of self.

Key 2. Value Yourself – You are Unique!

Without comparing yourself with others, learn to value yourself just the way you are and for who you are, at this present moment. You are unique: there is no one on this planet who is exactly the same as you.

Self-Acceptance is one of the key steps in building self-trust.

What are the “quirks” that make you, uniquely you? Write a list of these things that make you, uniquely you…and learn to honour, value and respect YOU, JUST as you ARE. You also can strengthen your sense of self and confidence by getting specific feedback about you, your strengths, skills, and your personal qualities from people that you trust. Ask selected friends, family, work colleagues you know well and trust, to give you honest feedback, so that you get the “data” about yourself – about your “outer reality”.

(Your “outer reality” is often different from your “inner reality”. You can be acting and appearing very confident and capable, but you don't know that, and you don’t “feel it” inside, or your inner critic is saying otherwise.)

Key 3: Know your Priorities

Be CLEAR on your PURPOSE, Priority, Outcome or Intention in any given situation, or on any given day. CLARITY is POWER. Ask yourself: “What is essential and important for me to do, today”…. Especially when OVERWHELMED and there is too much to do!

Key 4: Observe and Manage Your Self Talk

What are the thoughts and messages you give to yourself? Many people are not aware of the constant stream of thoughts they have and the affect those thoughts can have on them.

Often our thoughts can be negative and have a negative effect on our work, our relationships, self-esteem and self-confidence.

Challenge the thoughts, are they realistic or are you “catastrophising”? Write them down. How could you reframe or change your thoughts to be more supportive?

We have approximately 90,000 thoughts per day
Often negative or not supportive
We have the power to CHOOSE OUR THOUGHTS AND CHOOSE NEW MINDSETS….
Notice and observe your thoughts this week, how supportive of you are they??
Believe in yourself, believe in your ability…. “I HAVE THE POWER, THE PRESENCE AND THE POSSIBILITY”.

Key 5: Confidence grows with COMPETENCE AND PRACTICE

You cannot be expected to be confident the first time you do something new.
Confidence comes with competence.
Start small.
Baby steps, baby bites.

Key 6: “Act As If” or “Act as capable as you REALLY Are”

Sometimes we need to take a deep breath, stand up tall, move forward and “act as if” we are confident. When we do this, take action, change our thinking about ourselves or the situation, invariably we will have a positive experience and in doing this, have created a new more confident experience of ourselves in that situation. And more than likely, if we repeatedly do this, over time our “inner reality” (that doubts ourself) will catch up with our “outer reality” that is acting as “confident or capable as you really are”.

Key 7: Use Visualisation and Mental Rehearsal

Technique used by all elite athletes.
Close your eyes and image yourself confidently doing the activity you normally lack confidence in.
See yourself in your mind’s eye.
Imagine the positive feelings of confidence, success, happiness, assertiveness etc.
Imagine a successful outcome/result.

As a new corporate trainer, I did this prior to every training program I facilitated.

You can do this every day for 5 minutes, before you get out of bed, or in the shower- run through your day in your head, imagining every activity, meeting or task of your day going smoothly… imagining the best possible outcome for your day… OUR THOUGHTS CREATE OUR FUTURE!

Key 8: Be Aware of the Language You Use about Yourself

People who are confident speak positively about themselves and do not put themselves down.
Be aware of the language that you use about yourself or your circumstances.
The language we use affects how we are perceived in the world.
It advertises what we think and believe.

Key 9: Identify the Self-Limiting Habits you may be engage in…..

Procrastination
Perfectionism
Not allowing failure
Not recognising or diminishing our achievements
Constant comparing ourselves to others
Not VALUING yourself
Inability or reluctance to saying “no”
Taking on “too much”
Wanting to control everything… Inability or reluctance to delegate
Having an unrealistic sense of how long thinks take to do
Working excessively long hours
Seeking approval from others'
“I’m not ….enough” feeling GUILT
and more…..

Replace with …. .Self-renewing Habits

Doing the thing you don’t want to do, first
Having REALISTIC expectations of self and others
Recognising your achievements
Valuing self and your UNIQUE ESSENCE and CONTRIBUTION
Setting limits and boundaries, personally and professionally
Learning how to Say NO
Delegating to others, asking other to help
Approving of self
Knowing you are “more than enough”

Key 10: Be Kind and Compassionate to and with Yourself….

Practice not judging yourself so harshly. For many of us the voice of the “Inner Critic” can be so very strong… well it certainly has been for me. Being more compassionate to myself is a relatively new thing for me (the last 5-6 years) and I am finding this so TRANSFORMATIONAL for myself and my clients.

Many of us have “motivated ourselves to change” through our self-judgement and the voice of the inner critic and I am learning there is a gentler path of self-compassion, trusting our inner mentor and knowing in our body (not just our mind) that we are “worthy” … these three things, PLUS TAKING CONSISTENT POSITIVE ACTION towards our goals and what we want, can create positive changes in ourselves and in our lives.

If you would like some further support in increasing your Self-Confidence and overcoming Self-Doubt please ring me on 0400037500 to have a chat (or email me on helen@helenelizabeth.com.au) to learn more about my One-on-One Personal Development sessions and Programs that can assist you in developing more self-confidence.

Helen Alm